Showing posts with label binge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label binge. Show all posts

Monday, 1 August 2011

I just want to be perfect

Starting weight: 190 (BMI: 34.7)
Current weight: 186 (BMI: 34.0)
1st Goal weight: 175 (BMI: 32.0) By: August 7th
2nd Goal weight: 160 (BMI: 30.2) By: Sept.
The Big Goal: 99 (BMI: 18.1) By: Oct.I know, I know, I haven't really posted much lately. I've been horrible, more like a horrible pig. It's been none stop birthdays and BBQ's and if I don't eat people flip out some reason lately. Well, the reason is because I have stomach problems and they flip out thinking it's that and start pushing medication for stomachs on me. I say no and they start getting upset. If I say I'm not hungry they won't stop up about eating a little of everything. What part of I'm not hungry don't they understand. That's it no more eating. I'm fasting. I'm sick of being fat. All I want is to be thin. I've been thinking, I never used them before, but I was thinking of using diet pills. But I'm lost in the world of diet pills. Any suggestions? I feel so sick to my stomach. I know I'm on my monthly so that tends to add a few pounds. But not 11-12 pounds. At most 5ibs. I'm going to go and work out until I fall over tired.

Monday, 18 July 2011

resisting

I don't know why but I want to binge, horribly. I'm craving all kinds of disgusting foods (I'm talking fast food like disgusting). Carbs, fried, etc. I never really liked fried food but when a binge is coming on I start craving fried foods. Good thing is I'm a vegetarian so it makes it harder to binge on fried foods. Most is meats. I think it's because of two days of being at BBQ's and seeing all the food.
I've been avoiding walking/jogging last two days. The heat is horrible and I've been having dizzy spells. I figured play it safe. But I did end up walking total of three miles to and from a friends' house. Some of it I jogged too.
Once again my weight isn't moving.
So my ex is still trying to cause problems for me and attempting to turn people against me. If they knew just how horribly abusive he was towards me, how much hurt and suffering I went threw because of him, he would be alone. And his attempts at trying to make himself look great and doing better then me is sad. Fine his band was doing great..... 10 years ago. Their now are constantly losing members and trying to replace them so they can't do a show, nobody even remembers them anymore, doing drugs, drinking to the point he's wondering around downtown not knowing what he's doing and people have to look for him, drinking and driving, chain smoking, about to lose his house, car, etc. And he's bragging about hanging out with a ex-drummer for a certain early 90's musician that everyone makes fun of. Only hint I'm giving as to who it is is that he's ice that's vanilla flavored. Anyways, my ex would be a perfect candidate for VH1 Where Are They Now. And this is supposed to make me want to come back? Make me feel oh so bad for leaving his sorry behind? HAHAHA! Dream on little boy. I'm using my ex as inspiration. To do better.