cause my sister is moving back in, maybe..... Really? I'm being kicked out cause she wants to move back in? Then few weeks will pass and she'll leave. Then few months later she'll want to come back.
Well, I think I may found out why I'm not getting any call backs for work. My old manager just warned me about the woman that was above her bad mouths ex employers. She learned this the hard way herself when she left. And another old co-worker learned this the hard way too. As soon as they stop putting her down they got hired.
These are times I just want to bawl my eyes out. These are times when I really see that I have nobody in my corner. It's times like this I realize why I prefer to be alone and like being a loner cause you don't get hurt that way. All I ever wanted in life was to be on my own, in my own place, and be happy. Is that really to much to ask for in life? I never cared to be rich, have the best job, etc. All I just wanted is to survive on my own. I guess I was never meant to be happy.
Anyways, if you don't hear from me, I guess you all know why. I'll update this as soon as possible.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Friday, 22 July 2011
Monday, 18 July 2011
resisting
I don't know why but I want to binge, horribly. I'm craving all kinds of disgusting foods (I'm talking fast food like disgusting). Carbs, fried, etc. I never really liked fried food but when a binge is coming on I start craving fried foods. Good thing is I'm a vegetarian so it makes it harder to binge on fried foods. Most is meats. I think it's because of two days of being at BBQ's and seeing all the food.
I've been avoiding walking/jogging last two days. The heat is horrible and I've been having dizzy spells. I figured play it safe. But I did end up walking total of three miles to and from a friends' house. Some of it I jogged too.
Once again my weight isn't moving.
So my ex is still trying to cause problems for me and attempting to turn people against me. If they knew just how horribly abusive he was towards me, how much hurt and suffering I went threw because of him, he would be alone. And his attempts at trying to make himself look great and doing better then me is sad. Fine his band was doing great..... 10 years ago. Their now are constantly losing members and trying to replace them so they can't do a show, nobody even remembers them anymore, doing drugs, drinking to the point he's wondering around downtown not knowing what he's doing and people have to look for him, drinking and driving, chain smoking, about to lose his house, car, etc. And he's bragging about hanging out with a ex-drummer for a certain early 90's musician that everyone makes fun of. Only hint I'm giving as to who it is is that he's ice that's vanilla flavored. Anyways, my ex would be a perfect candidate for VH1 Where Are They Now. And this is supposed to make me want to come back? Make me feel oh so bad for leaving his sorry behind? HAHAHA! Dream on little boy. I'm using my ex as inspiration. To do better.
I've been avoiding walking/jogging last two days. The heat is horrible and I've been having dizzy spells. I figured play it safe. But I did end up walking total of three miles to and from a friends' house. Some of it I jogged too.
Once again my weight isn't moving.
So my ex is still trying to cause problems for me and attempting to turn people against me. If they knew just how horribly abusive he was towards me, how much hurt and suffering I went threw because of him, he would be alone. And his attempts at trying to make himself look great and doing better then me is sad. Fine his band was doing great..... 10 years ago. Their now are constantly losing members and trying to replace them so they can't do a show, nobody even remembers them anymore, doing drugs, drinking to the point he's wondering around downtown not knowing what he's doing and people have to look for him, drinking and driving, chain smoking, about to lose his house, car, etc. And he's bragging about hanging out with a ex-drummer for a certain early 90's musician that everyone makes fun of. Only hint I'm giving as to who it is is that he's ice that's vanilla flavored. Anyways, my ex would be a perfect candidate for VH1 Where Are They Now. And this is supposed to make me want to come back? Make me feel oh so bad for leaving his sorry behind? HAHAHA! Dream on little boy. I'm using my ex as inspiration. To do better.
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
Haven't heard back
So I guess apparently I didn't get the job. Watching a dog for 12 hours a day for about 7.30 a hour would of been nice. And gave me a reason not to be in this house for 12 hours of the day. Only go home to sleep. That would of been great.
So apparently I owe them my life cause I've been here 6 months without a job and once again apparently they could of had someone paying $500. Right..... Apparently they aren't getting it. I have been looking for a job. Along with everyone else in this area. My cousin spent 2 years of non-stop looking for a job in this town and she just finally found one. I don't think they realize just what it's like to look for a job now-a-days. For each job opening there's 100's applying to it cause people are desperate. There's people that where pretty high on the corporate ladder now flipping burgers. But then when you take someone who didn't finish high school and they have to compete with people who have and many who went on to collage. Yeah, not exactly good chances there. Worse I suffer from anthropophobia. People just assume I'm a loner. Which that I am. But I also fear people. It takes a lot for me to get the guts to talk to someone. Even more so interviews. I will confess I do horrible in interviews. I can understand why they wouldn't hire me. I wouldn't. All the jobs I ever had I got hired because I knew someone that was working there. Which made it easy when applying. Still had to do interviews but it made it sooooo much easier because I already got the job. I moved back to this town and I know nobody. Sometimes it's hard to ask for a application. I can do it but it's hard. Same as going up and asking for help. And let's not get talking about calling people I don't know. I can't do it. Very few times I was able too. A lot of friends joke around about how my phone would always go to the answering machine and they would have to leave a message and I would call them back. They think I just hate answering the phone. It's cause I worry about it being someone I don't know really well. But I am slowly improving on that as well. Another reason why I didn't get a cellphone until this past January. Funny cause while I don't miss having a cellphone it was nice having one cause I knew who was calling me. They didn't have to leave a message and wait for me to call them back. If I knew them I would answer. Or they could easily text me.
Wow, who knew having this blog would make me share more stuff then I normally do.
So apparently I owe them my life cause I've been here 6 months without a job and once again apparently they could of had someone paying $500. Right..... Apparently they aren't getting it. I have been looking for a job. Along with everyone else in this area. My cousin spent 2 years of non-stop looking for a job in this town and she just finally found one. I don't think they realize just what it's like to look for a job now-a-days. For each job opening there's 100's applying to it cause people are desperate. There's people that where pretty high on the corporate ladder now flipping burgers. But then when you take someone who didn't finish high school and they have to compete with people who have and many who went on to collage. Yeah, not exactly good chances there. Worse I suffer from anthropophobia. People just assume I'm a loner. Which that I am. But I also fear people. It takes a lot for me to get the guts to talk to someone. Even more so interviews. I will confess I do horrible in interviews. I can understand why they wouldn't hire me. I wouldn't. All the jobs I ever had I got hired because I knew someone that was working there. Which made it easy when applying. Still had to do interviews but it made it sooooo much easier because I already got the job. I moved back to this town and I know nobody. Sometimes it's hard to ask for a application. I can do it but it's hard. Same as going up and asking for help. And let's not get talking about calling people I don't know. I can't do it. Very few times I was able too. A lot of friends joke around about how my phone would always go to the answering machine and they would have to leave a message and I would call them back. They think I just hate answering the phone. It's cause I worry about it being someone I don't know really well. But I am slowly improving on that as well. Another reason why I didn't get a cellphone until this past January. Funny cause while I don't miss having a cellphone it was nice having one cause I knew who was calling me. They didn't have to leave a message and wait for me to call them back. If I knew them I would answer. Or they could easily text me.
Wow, who knew having this blog would make me share more stuff then I normally do.
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
Wow what BS!
I applied for a job as a pet sitter. If I get it it'll be 12 hours a day. I love animals so spending 12 hours with a little dog would be awesome.
Now for the BS. My step sister when living here only paid $250 a month for rent, she paid nothing else. I'm going to have to pay $500 rent plus electric, gas, water, etc. And still clean their dishes, their messes around the house. She hardly ever lifted a finger. They cleaned up after her. They even said they did. Oh and her boyfriend pretty much lived here. He would be here months at a time. Don't get me wrong I get paying rent then help with the extras. But a 10x8 space is hardly worth $500. There's nearby apartments that for $565 I get a good size apartment water included. All I would have to pay for is electricity and phone. And it's just the fact that my step sister only had to pay half what I'll pay in rent and I'm staying in the same room she stayed in. And she didn't pay for anything else like I will. Here's the kicker. They paid for her cellphone..... Even bigger kicker they still were when she moved out and was for months afterwards. At one point she had two cellphones. I gave mine up cause I wouldn't have been able to afford it. And honestly I don't miss it. And she still constantly calls wanting money. She makes more then they do. And yet they hand it over to her. Not once have I ever asked for money since being here. If I don't have the money for it, I don't buy it. Even if I need it. Here I sit with a kidney stone which needs a doctor. But I don't cause I have no way of paying for it. But she wants a new movie, game, or to go on a shopping spree they just hand over the money. I don't expect or want anyone to pay my way threw life. I don't want them to foot my medical bills. But it's the principal of the whole thing. Why is she getting treated differently then me. Then again she gets treated differently then my other step sister. It's like they put her up on this peddle stole and expects everybody to baby her. And yet they wouldn't ever dream of throwing her out into the streets. But I'm facing being homeless. And constantly hearing about how they can get someone in there for 500. Well, if I get this job (crosses fingers and prays) then they can find someone. As soon as I get first and last months rent, I'm gone. Which with the amount of hours it would be it won't be hard to get that much. And since I'm going to end up with two bank accounts I'll just transfer all extra over to my old one (my bank don't have a branch in this area but I love the bank so I'm pretty much just getting one local just to cash my checks kinda thing). I'll just let them think I'm getting paid less then I am and let them think I don't have my old bank account.
P.S.
Dear God, please help me. I need you once again.
Now for the BS. My step sister when living here only paid $250 a month for rent, she paid nothing else. I'm going to have to pay $500 rent plus electric, gas, water, etc. And still clean their dishes, their messes around the house. She hardly ever lifted a finger. They cleaned up after her. They even said they did. Oh and her boyfriend pretty much lived here. He would be here months at a time. Don't get me wrong I get paying rent then help with the extras. But a 10x8 space is hardly worth $500. There's nearby apartments that for $565 I get a good size apartment water included. All I would have to pay for is electricity and phone. And it's just the fact that my step sister only had to pay half what I'll pay in rent and I'm staying in the same room she stayed in. And she didn't pay for anything else like I will. Here's the kicker. They paid for her cellphone..... Even bigger kicker they still were when she moved out and was for months afterwards. At one point she had two cellphones. I gave mine up cause I wouldn't have been able to afford it. And honestly I don't miss it. And she still constantly calls wanting money. She makes more then they do. And yet they hand it over to her. Not once have I ever asked for money since being here. If I don't have the money for it, I don't buy it. Even if I need it. Here I sit with a kidney stone which needs a doctor. But I don't cause I have no way of paying for it. But she wants a new movie, game, or to go on a shopping spree they just hand over the money. I don't expect or want anyone to pay my way threw life. I don't want them to foot my medical bills. But it's the principal of the whole thing. Why is she getting treated differently then me. Then again she gets treated differently then my other step sister. It's like they put her up on this peddle stole and expects everybody to baby her. And yet they wouldn't ever dream of throwing her out into the streets. But I'm facing being homeless. And constantly hearing about how they can get someone in there for 500. Well, if I get this job (crosses fingers and prays) then they can find someone. As soon as I get first and last months rent, I'm gone. Which with the amount of hours it would be it won't be hard to get that much. And since I'm going to end up with two bank accounts I'll just transfer all extra over to my old one (my bank don't have a branch in this area but I love the bank so I'm pretty much just getting one local just to cash my checks kinda thing). I'll just let them think I'm getting paid less then I am and let them think I don't have my old bank account.
P.S.
Dear God, please help me. I need you once again.
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