Monday 7 November 2011

apparently I'm abusive

More like my Mother is. I kid you not that psychopathic jumped on me and started punching my head. All I did was keep her at arms length away until I had enough of it and I pushed her off of me. She grabbed my hair so I grabbed hers back and told her I'll let go as soon as she does. Then same time she went to attempt to punch me in the I said stop it so I accidentally bit her finger. Which she now claims was gushing blood and wouldn't stop bleeding. There wasn't even a scab there, if it was bleeding that bad there would be a scab. And now she's claiming I attacked her. But she does that to everything. She'll attack them then say it was them.
Good news I have a job, it's part time seasonal with a really good chance of permanent seasonal. I hope so. Bad news I don't even have my first check and they already said they need the whole thing. Really? Sure, once they show me the bills that need to be paid. I think it's hilarious how they think I'm going to be bring in 500 or more a week. They told me I'll be working 24-34 hours a week at 7.80 a hour. Highest I'll make on a good week is mid 300. But yeah it's pay up or get out. But good news I'll have money to get me a motel to stay in if all else fails. Can you believe they said "we'll let you get some things you need." WTF? Let? Excuse me last I checked it was me working my ass of for that check! What do they do, nothing. Nobody ever gives me permission on what I can do with the money I make. But Good news is my brother moved back here with his fiance. Their staying at my Grandfather's. They where a day away from being homeless where they were. I told him what was going on and about our Mother attacking me. And how the stress they have me under was physically affecting me (which by the way, I finally had my period after a month late. But whatever I had my period! Finally! More good news!). Their looking for jobs themselves. They don't tend to stay here forever (neither do I). They tend to stay at most a year but cause we all don't have a place really he's going to see what he can do to help themselves and me. He was pissed when he found out what was going on. I'm thinking he's thinking all 3 share a apartment. Which would work great. Him and I shared a apartment before. I adore his fiance. She's a complete sweetheart.
And wow the stuff I have found out. I always knew my mother kept things from me and purposed tried to destroy my chance at succeeding in life. She figures cause I was a accident and I ruined her life she can freely ruin mine. I found out that my Grandma (my Dad's side, sadly I hardly ever get to see her but every few years) has always been willing to help pay for me to get threw school. Willing to pay for my GED so I can get it. Come to find out she's been worried all this time because I don't have it and it bothers her deeply. My mother knew this. I always knew she was willing to help my brother pay to get threw college but my mother never told me about her willing to help me. All I ever had to do was simply ask. But my mother always told me that she didn't really care much for me. Which use to confuse me cause she was always so loving to me whenever I did get to see her but then I figured she did it so it wouldn't rock the boat. And I heard my mother the other night (she didn't know I was awake) say to my stepdad that she wished I never left Texas. Yep, her exact words was "I wish she had never left Texas."
So, to my mother I'm nothing more then a big dollar sign that she has to get revenge on. You know all the shit she put me threw as a kid and I took care of her when she couldn't walk when I was a teen. And what do I get for it? Misery.

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