Relasped

Anorexia is not a easy life. I've dealt with this my whole life. Even as a child. I was a 6 year old little girl who put herself on a diet without anyone knowing cause I was tired of being fat. I look back at old photos of that 6 year old me and realized I wasn't fat at the time. Anyways, being a little kid I would get tired of the "diet." But I never did really eat candy, just never cared for it. Still don't. Not much of a sweets kinda person. Around 11 I started putting on weight like most kids do at that age. I didn't like it. I hated it. But it wouldn't stop. Around that time I was also suffering from depression, which made me eat more. So, I packed on even more weight. Around 14 is when Anorexia reared it's ugly head in full swing. At 15 I suffered a full blown attack from a illness I still suffer from today and will always suffer from. That only help encourage my anorexia cause anything that I ate would cause my stomach go into extremely painful spasms. I would fast for a week, two weeks, even a month straight. Within that year I dropped 40 some pounds. I remember the day I saw my first rib. I remember when I realized you could see my spine. Finally my doctors and I got my illness under control. But they of course didn't know about my anorexia. They assumed all my weight loss was from the illness, which most of it was. They assumed I would gain it back. I finally did few years later at 17 when I attempted to recover from my ED. It was a promise to someone that I would try my best to get better after they figured out what was going on. Then at around 20 it came back again. During those 3 years there was many times it would try to come back and I struggled so hard to push it back. But finally I wasn't strong enough to fight back. I was depressed, under to much stress, and in a abusive relationship. Anorexia won, again. Then one day I just couldn't do it anymore. I was completely broken. I had to get my life back. I struggle so hard to escape the cold fingers that anorexia had grasped onto me, I finally did. The guy I was with was trying to get better from being what he was. He went into therapy. Everything seemed to be getting better. But then it all went down hill, again. He went back to being abusive, this time verbal and controlling. And once again I was going weeks with fasting. I ended up sick with a rare illness were your immune system attacks your blood. I was hospitalized. By the time I decided to go to the hospital I shocked doctors that I was even walking, let alone alive. I had lost 20ibs. I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. I had to be careful while in the hospital not to so much lightly bump into anything cause I could of bleed to death. I had blood under the sign from them checking my blood pressure. Finally I was able to go home. But the meds they put me on made me hungry as a horse. So I ate and gained the 20ibs back and then some. I decided to once again attempt to recover from anorexia and escape my boyfriend. It took a year but I finally escaped him. Anorexia was extremely hard to leave, ended up with a addiction to exercising. It was like I was abandoning my best friend but I thought I finally escaped anorexia. But sadly I didn't. It came back, this time with a addiction to exercising. And while I'm far enough away from my ex that he can't physically hurt me, he still won't leave me alone. But at least I can just ignore his messages. And here I am in my mid 20's attempting to start my life over again with a ED.